Viewing corners

The question:  Why are some most adults mean to children?

We all know that adults need to be consistent, always listening, reasonable, and encouraging when it comes to dealing with children.  But the problem is, we have not been taught to defuse our anger.  As a result, most adults carry around unresolved anger.  Think of lava. Something irritating happens and the volcano goes off!

But this is not enough reason to vent our unresolved emotions to the poor, innocent children.  In reality, they become our shock absorbers and we thought they’ll just forget about it once we let them watch tv or play all dong long, but this is not the case, they end up saving all those hidden fears and become angry adults when they reach their older years, and so this cycle will just be inherited and we all become angry people who just go around feeling bad.

So, before inflicting anger on the kids,  see if you belong on the category of those who dump their negative emotions to the children.

1.  Spanks with every little annoying thing. One reason why it not appropriate to spank children is because parents who hold unto unresolved anger can become so explosive are likely to harm a child.

2.  Says negative words almost all the time. A small child is like unmolded clay.  Every word, each action, makes an impression on the clay.  When a child grows up with more negative than positive imprints, the child’s self-esteem is at risk.

3.  Bombards kids with relentless unkindness. As there are many stories of parents separating, the children are the number ones victims of this separations.  The parents become more distant not only from society but more so from their children because they don’t know how to go on. The children, in some cases, become the parents to their parents.

4.  Saying hurtful things to them about the other parent. The child’s heart will be divided over this bad-mouthing over each other. A child needs to have room to love each parent.

5.  Picks on the child about weight, aptitude in school, clothes, friends, habits or anything else in their life. Criticism kills and children thrive on encouragement.  While it is essential to stop a child from doing something wrong, it is not necessary to drown the child in anger to prove your point.

One effect of storing anger is rage.  And venting to children will result in them storing rage as well.  Every child does not need anger but rather needs love, nurturing, guidance, and encouragement. Children must not be the dumping ground for adult’s unresolved frustration and anger.

This post was inspired or to be perfectly honest, by 1 a.m. unannounced visit by my friend since college.  She had a fight with her mom and dad.  She “brought” a friend for dinner and her mom didn’t like that he didn’t eat lobster without any hints that he has an allergy to any seafood, discovered or not.

She’s the same as my age, which I won’t divulge anymore.  Bottomline, we’re both enough to get even a 48 square meter apartment where we can barely move, but at least we’re on our own.  She went solo for two years after college but moved back in when she resigned from her first job.  I agreed that time that moving back in with her folks was the best thing because she did that time for she was out of cash and of anything to last her for a month.

Boomerang kids are those who go back home after college instead of living away from their folks.  Nothing wrong actually, most parents want to see their kids home but after a few months so, it can get annoying in some ways.

But it has been almost 2 years as well since she has been staying with them.  She got a new job a year ago but still stuck there. Her reason, she can save more because she doesn’t have to pay rent.  I somewhat pity her but then she’s right.  But there comes a time we have to spread our wings and fly by ourselves.

So, how do we evade from this dilemma? Here are some ways I did and a few friends of mine did as well:

1. Save from your first day in college

May see old-school but it works, financial shows compute how much we can save if we set aside $10 a day or a $100 dollars a month.  But it really pays to save.

2.  Tag a close friend to stay and share rent with you

You can at least half of the total rent by getting a flatmate. But remember, you’ve got to trust them enough to stay with them.

3.  Initially get a cheaper, yet cozy place

You don’t have to get a grand place on your first time being your own.  A less costly, yet secure enough apartment is a good choice as your first nest, so to speak.

4.  Get a good paying job

Yes, I know this is one of those things that are easier said than done, but then again, if you want to be on your own, get a job that can pay for rent, at least.

Back to my dear, old friend.  In her rage, she swore that sometimes she’d rather be one of those homeless person rather than live with her parents.  In my concern, I blurted out that just move out and both of them are to blame.  The consequences of her partying in college instead of saving up led the way to this.  Thank God, she didn’t get angry with me and actually agreed.  There are a lot of personal reasons why some go back home after college. Some want to lay low after years of hardwork, while some just want to stay close and take care of their parents.  I, for one crave for someone to do my laundry, to be served with hearty meals during dinner and have someone to go home to after a grueling day at work.  But, we have to be independent one way or another.